Friday, October 25, 2019
something :: essays research papers
à à à à à Def Jam Records is the most dominant and successful record label in the music industry today. Def Jam lives and breathes by one rule: continuity, and the men behind the legendary label are: Kevin Liles, Lyor Cohen, and founder/CEO Russell Simmons are the brains and life behind the label. Def Jam is the home of many of raps greatest names like LL Cool J, Run-DMC, Jay-Z etc. these are the names and this the label that brought rap music to the mainstream without changing or sugar-coating anything just to get to the top. à à à à à Lyor Cohen co-president of Island Def Jam music who oversees black music at Universal Records. In a January 2001 interview in ââ¬Å"The Sourceâ⬠magazine Cohen says ââ¬Å"we tend to our own gardens here, we donââ¬â¢t look into our neighbors garden. We are happy to see them do whatever they want to do, drive whatever they want to drive. No matter how much they ââ¬Å"bling-blingâ⬠we donââ¬â¢t care about thatâ⬠. This is what makes Def Jam so successful, they donââ¬â¢t ââ¬Å"leanâ⬠with the trends that other labels and artists set, they make their own trends and do a great job at it. Cohen, ex-manager of Run-DMC, and longtime partner of Russell Simmons has been with Def Jam since almost Day one. Cohen Says ââ¬Å"not only are we selling the most records consistently for the longest period of timeâ⬠he points out ââ¬Å" we have the most diversified hip-hop empire period.â⬠Cohen is an up in your face businessman and complime nts the laid back demeanor of his two other partners. Cohen who seeked out most of the ââ¬Å"power artistsââ¬â¢ that Def Jam has on their legendary label, he also oversees money and the contract of all the artists on the label. His greatest asset, according to insiders is his ability to persuade white execs for extra money. But Cohenââ¬â¢s a big talker who can be heavy handed and it makes working with the powerhouse a bit hard to work with. à à à à à Kevin Liles who is over Def Soul Records, who started out as an intern, is now part of the three-headed monster and when the 5ââ¬â¢3 giant barks people listen. Liles states in the January 2001 ââ¬Å"The Sourceâ⬠magazine ââ¬Å" Def Jam is more than a company name and logo itââ¬â¢s a lifestyle. It all comes back to foundation, Def Jam just keeps it in the trenchesâ⬠. Liles says later in the interview ââ¬Å"we spent 18 years building a brand that represents the best of hip-hop.
Thursday, October 24, 2019
Pyschlogical Analysis of Zombie Apocalypse Survivors Essay
The door slams shut as you force your weight against it. Two people whom you have never met before, merely joined during your sprint, grab the largest object in the room and wedge it in front of the door. A second later the fist of the undead outside pound on the door in attempts to get in. ââ¬Å"We have to get out of here! â⬠one of the others screams immediately. But why? It seems that whether it be a decrepit cabin in the woods or a home or a mall; nothing seems to be good enough for the survivors. Step one of a survival plan always seems to start with the word Escape. A casual movie buff may simply see a characterââ¬â¢s reaction as an irrational snap decision, however, through a psychological and sociological examination, one can come to better understand of characterââ¬â¢s pleas. One cannot assume that the character just wishes to put distance between themselves and their attackers; especially not during a zombie apocalypse. Lets take a look at George A. Romeoââ¬â¢s 2004 Dawn of the Dead for a moment. The mall was well defended, surely had adequate food, and they were completely surrounded. Why attempt an escape to somewhere that was referred to as ââ¬Å"â⬠¦an island that for all we know doesnââ¬â¢t even exist. â⬠? Environmental Psychology The viewer must examine sever different aspect of the scenario that the characters are being put into. The environment itself is a large factor in the equation; also to be considered is the group dynamics and stresses that are arising. Finally, and perhaps more importantly, the risks. All of these factors of the situation in which the characters are placed can alone, or collectively, cause a people in any shelter to decide to leave. Potentially the largest determining element of any long termed survival could be the environmental aspect. Setting aside the obvious insecurities of poor shelters, try to look at the other features someone would like in their dwellings. Imagine several different locations, all equally safe for argumentââ¬â¢s sake, an office building, a mall, a school, a prison. Some options arenââ¬â¢t quite as appealing as others. These differences can be seen the best by using environmental psychology to understand what a groups wants within a shelter. Someone can use environmental psychology to study an individual or a group in a social context by looking at the places where people are at and examining the perceptions, attitudes, evaluations and representations, and the accompanying behaviors (Kazdin 421). In almost any movie where the suggestion of getting out is brought up, we can look at some of the charactersââ¬â¢ perceptions and attitudes to see that the location has fallen short of being perfect for the survivors. The environment is a relationship between individuals and their life spaces. That means not only should the environment provide us with all that we need to survive but also the spaces in which to appreciate, understand, and act to fulfill higher needs and aspirations (423). This leads to the question then of; if we cannot look at it simply as a space to stay in, then how should we look at it? The answer is that a place is not simple an empty building or space; it is, but also it is an expression of an idea or of a culture. Made to be warm and encourage relaxation, or cold and sterile to promote work and organization (420). An office building is plain, organized, and open. The idea of an office is to have very little distraction away from the work. The coloring is usually white to keep from distracting the eye or drawing attachment by employees. Typically a person enjoys a place with more color and not as structured. A good example of this idea of attachment and welcome is seen in Edgar Wrightââ¬â¢s Shaun of the Dead, where they chose to go to a local bar call The Winchester mainly off of the fact that is was a familiar place that they visited frequently. Altman and Chemers (1980) identified three types or levels of territory: Primary territory (e. g. home or private office space), where usually only one or two people are in control of its organization. The area is highly personalized and more easily draws attachment from a person. Secondary territories (e. g. , the classroom or open plan office), These areas are intended for larger groups but control of the area is temporary and personalization is minimal. Public territory (e. g. , the street, parks), where there is no personalization and the area is very open making protection difficult if not impossible (424). Most often primary territories are too constrained to allow for large groups to reside there for long periods. Secondary territories are typically the ones seen being used as in Dawn of the Dead where they use a mall and also in Day of the Dead where they take shelter in a large military base. They exist in a larger area but they also can retreat to a person area where they have customized a private area to their own preferences. A public place, as seen in George A. Romeroââ¬â¢s Land of the Dead is one of few cases where such a large area is uses as a refuge. While this landscape did allow for comfortable private areaââ¬â¢s for a select, elite few, the majority of the people lived on the streets in discontent and resentment for the others. In this scenario we can clearly see the breakdown of the environmental factors as some survivors mention escaping to Canada (an area believe to be safe from the zombie plague) even though all the citizens at this point were protected. Ideally, territories are controllable spaces that serve to allow for the personalization and regularization of who comes in. This idea, territoriality, then actually provides an actual function in being able to allow people to have a feeling of safety, predictability, order, and stability in their own surroundings (424) In movies where a group of people are kept up in a larger secure area, and they have a private space, we can then look at its own function. Understand what is involved in private space. Personal space is important for not only an individual but also the well being of the community (424). It allows people to escape from each other whenever we need a break from everything. It is our own spot to go and relax for a while as we do some personal work or just even think without having others come by and interrupt us. Not only is this seen as us having a home for ourselves away from others but almost as also having a mental sanctuary. People will use physical or mental barriers in order to keep others from wherever theyââ¬â¢re unwanted (424). When only one person or group claims the function of a space, the control is absolute, producing feelings of security. (424) This, is the largest factor in determining whether a group can endure weeks or months at this location; however, as we have seen it is not the only contributing factor. The territory must be able to separated into private spaces for the occupants to maintain their own customization. Further more there must be an area to collect together, to allow fellowship to provide a sense of unity among the members. This is an example of where environmental psychology intertwines with social psychology (422). Sociology What is the advantage of a group as apposed to going it alone? No worries about what other people want, you can travel at your own pace, no arguments to worry about. At first glance going alone seems like the simplest plan for survival. Nevertheless, this is rarely the case in movies. And the answer is not simply because more people increases dialogue and drama. People are social beings today for obvious benefits, but it has been part of a clear survival strategy that mankind has most likely always stuck to (485). There is obvious truth in the phrase ââ¬Å"strength in numbersâ⬠. Later on, though, we will see that this physical strength my come at a cost. First, image a person who has just run into several other survivors. The person my be excited to see others, but still skeptical in the back of their mind of the new strangers. If a person believes he or she can complete a task more easily if they are with others as opposed to if they were to go alone, the person will more than likely join or form their own group (Cialdini, 427). At first these people cannot just be considered a group. Given the situation, it can either be spoken amongst them, or simply implied by all running in the same direction. Whatever the means are, these people are making the decision to become a group then by their actions. Groups become more unified though two means, first is the enjoyment of being with the other member in the group (rarely is that so in this situation) and the second option is based off of how committed all the members are to the specific task they are all gathered together to complete (423). The members have come together with the common goal of staying alive and are relying on the others to help increase their odds of staying safe. In spite of this, the ties to one another are still weak. Very little has been established between them, only the understanding that they are all using each other for survival. Now assume that our hypothetical micro society has manages to get to safety in a suitable shelter. Once things begin to calm down then they will begin the normal group activities. If group size increases beyond a dyad or triad, a distinct leader will tent to step forward or be chosen by the members (Borgatta, 1118). Once this leadership role has been established tasks will often be assigned. Everyone is familiar with the basis types of conversation that is used to get to know someone. As we learn about a personââ¬â¢s past we get to know them, building a sense of unity. In small groups or micro societies an individual fuses into the group by having some of their common life and goals added to the groupââ¬â¢s (Benokraitis, 130). If this sense of common life is not shared by all then tensions begin to form. This is seen in Danny Boyleââ¬â¢s 28 Days Later when Jim and Selena do not share the same common goals with the soldiers of making the only woman (still alive) have sex with all the men in order to stay there. As a person can see, this scenario is very difficult to manage. In contrast to typical life; where you can look at a group, see if it suits you, and leave if it does not. If the members are thrown together like this, there is no established group norm, making it very easy for one or more members to become unhappy with something going on. This potential for conflict increases with the number of members that enter the group. The ideal number of people is up to five or six people, this allows for easy communication and adaptation (Borgatta 1118). Stress After you have managed to paint your new bedroom, and you have won the Nobel Peace Prize for getting your group in line, you still have to deal with some other stresses. But first let us begin with a quick understanding of stress. No situation is inherently stressful, but rather an individual must see the situation as involving threat, harm, loss, or challenge. (Levins 640) Obviously in a zombie apocalypse someone can expect there to be a large amount of stress surrounding them. When faced with stress a person undergoes a coping process to try and regain control of the situation. Psychological, emotional, or behavior reactions are provoked by any of three distinguished stressors. Cataclysmic events: such as volcano eruptions, floods, earthquakes (zombies apocalypse) etc. Personal life events: illness, family or work issues Background conditions: traffic issues, access to services, noise or crowding. (Kazdin 429) All three of these types of stressors are clearly prevalent, and in fact, almost overwhelming in a zombie apocalypse. Between the dead attacking everyone, all of your loved ones dying, and all of the background conditions like noise and crowding becoming deafening, it is very simple for a person to not be able to handle everything that is going on. Luckily, in some sense, the body is actually prepared to deal with large amounts of stress at one time. While this system is not perfect, it works better than say a computer that would just shut down if overloaded. If there are too many stressors for one individual they deal with an overloaded system by focusing on the task at hand or the ultimate goal that they are trying to achieve. This focus is actually very demanding of an individual and results in fatigue (Kazdin 424). This process can actually be useful in several scenarios to motivate a person in order to complete a task. Still, like everything, a person can still suffer from prolonged exposure to an overload of stress. A person can deal with a great amount of stress, however if these stressors get to be overwhelming or the person is faced with a prolonged period of an overloaded system they could become delusional and even deny the distracting stimuli. If a person is pushed beyond their coping capacity the results could be worsened fatigue (430). This can be very problematic when someone is in such an issue where they cannot go outside. If they are left unattended and become convinced that the zombies are not an issue, they then put everyone at risk if they decided to leave. While someone flat out denying the zombies outside is an extreme case of stress overload, they are many other potential issues that can arise much more easily. Being exposed to stress for too long or repeatedly can result in less tolerance to frustration, shorter attention span, and become less likely to adapt to a situation (Kazdin 429). These three effects are very detrimental to a community that is locked within walls, forced to interact with each other, and with little means to resolve their stresses. While this may not be a group wide condition, these issues caused by stress are still a burden on the group even if only one person is suffering from them. In a group survival scenario being able to adapt to the conditions is key. The inhabitants need to be able to respond properly to any issue that may come about in a territory such as a fire or failing securities. In a similar fashion, it is just as important that frustration does not overwhelm a single person. Frustration is a mood that can easily be transferred from person to person. This is typically the reasoning behind characters having such short tempers and snapping at each other at the climax of movies. This is the point where all their stress is building up to, the point where a group either manages to fix their issues and resolve things, or they collapse and succumb to their fate. Even with all the possible stresses that face a person, the social aspect still comes into play here. If someoneââ¬â¢s alternative is to be alone, even without the zombie apocalypse, theyââ¬â¢re less likely to leave a group and more willing to put up with stress or even a feeling of hopelessness (Kazdin 448). By this point the members of the previously mentioned micro society have developed some level of bonds varying by the conditions and varying by each member. The members however will still look to the group for support and assistance during struggles with stress. If a member or several members of the group feel like they cannot be helped or that others will not help them they then fall into one of the lowest mental states. Hopelessness eventually sets in after repeated stress and disappointment on a person (Levinson 358) Alas, if a person reaches this point, they are unlikely to attempt to leave the group and go to another location. By this point the most common way a person will leave the group is through suicide. Risk There is one final piece we need to look at in order to fully understand why a person will decide to leave where they are in search of someplace else. This final part of the equation is probably the biggest factor in determining whether people leave a group or simply stay and endure the conditions. This factor is the risk. If motivation explains why the individual takes the risk, what is it that allows the individual to overcome the fear, anxiety, and rational assessment of danger? A 1997 study by Elissa Slanger and Kjell Rudestain identified ââ¬Å"perceived self-efficacyâ⬠(a concept named and defined by Albert Bandura) as that element. Perceived self-efficacy is the belief that one can do what is required, that a challenge is within oneââ¬â¢s ability. This self assessment may or may not be accurate, because perception of effectiveness is partially independent from actual skill. A complete understanding of risk taking, then, is comprised of two considerations: motivation (be it sensation seeking or sensation seeking in concert with other factors) and whatever it is that allows the isinhibition necessary for a person to overcome the fear and take action. (Borgatta 602) That motivation mentioned above in our case is not sensation seeking, but rather our survivors seeking one of several things. Perhaps to be in a healthier environment; one in which they can act to fulfill higher needs and aspirations. Maybe it is to get away from the current social dynam ics, look for another group with similar common life goals to theirââ¬â¢s. Or, it could simply be that stress is building up on some people. They may feel their only escape from stress may be to escape everything and try to start again. Any of these three alone, or combined, could act as the perfect catalyst in someoneââ¬â¢s mind. To infect them with the idea as it fester and drives them to ultimately pick up whatever they can grab and head for the door. This may be a solo trip or including the entire group depending on the conditions. Our original survivor, along with a few of his buddies, will prepare themselves at the door. Gun and supplies in hand, one look back at the former home, former group, and former issues reassumes them of their plan as the door opens before them.
Tuesday, October 22, 2019
The Secret of Ella and Micha Chapter 8
Ella I realize I have more issues than I thought. As soon as we turn onto the Back Road, a passion combusts inside me. It only flames hotter when we pull up to The Hitch, an old abandoned restaurant stationed at the end of the road. It's the perfect set up for street racing, with a long straight road tucked between the lofty trees on the mountains. The sky is black, the moon bright, but there are clouds rolling in. I cringe, thinking of the night on the bridge. We'd been racing before I'd gone there. Micha gets a text message right as we brink the end of the road. He pulls the car to the side, maneuvering carefully across the pot holes. He pushes the parking brake in and checks his phone, shutting it off, and looking torn up. ââ¬Å"What's wrong?â⬠I ask. ââ¬Å"You look upset?â⬠ââ¬Å"Nothing's wrong. Everything's great.â⬠He's lying, but how can I press him to tell the truth when I'm a liar too? ââ¬Å"So this is your surprise?â⬠I will my voice to sound disappointed, but it comes out pleased. Micha gives me a sidelong glance. ââ¬Å"Don't smile, pretty girl. It'll ruin your whole I'm-neutral-and-don't-give-a-shit act.â⬠I opt to remain impartial. ââ¬Å"Who are you planning to race tonight?â⬠ââ¬Å"You mean who are we racing?â⬠He smiles alluringly through the dark cab of the car. ââ¬Å"Well, I thought I'd leave that up to you.â⬠In front of the trees is a line of cars with their headlights on and their owners standing near the front. They're a rough crowd, mostly guys except for Shelia, a big girl with arms thicker than my legs. She's the only girl I've ever truly feared. ââ¬Å"Well, there's Mikey.â⬠I rub my forehead with the back of my hand. ââ¬Å"Does he still got that piece of crap 6 cylinder in his Camaro?â⬠ââ¬Å"Yeah, he does.â⬠Micha leans back in the seat, examining me amusedly through the dark. ââ¬Å"You think that's who I should go for?â⬠ââ¬Å"It's the obvious choice.â⬠I don't like where my thoughts are heading, but I can't shut off my basic instinct. I've always been a hanging-out-with-the-guys kind of girl and therefor there is an abundance of knowledge about cars stashed away in my head. Lila is the first girl I've been friends with. ââ¬Å"Although, what kind of a win would it be when you have this car that can clearly take on much more.â⬠ââ¬Å"You think I should take on someone in my own league?â⬠ââ¬Å"If you want the win to mean anything, then yeah.â⬠We look at each other, like magnets begging to get closer. Yet flip one the wrong direction and they will push apart. ââ¬Å"So which one is it, pretty girl?â⬠He drapes an arm over the headrest behind me and his fingers brush my shoulder. ââ¬Å"The underdog or the big dog.â⬠There's a dare in the air, teasing the real me to come out tonight. I want to give in, just for a few hours, and let my inner ropes untie. I want to allow myself to breathe again, but I fear the loss of control ââ¬â I fear I'll have to feel everything, including my guilt. ââ¬Å"Micha, I think we should go back.â⬠I put my seatbelt back on. ââ¬Å"This isn't my thing anymore.â⬠He presses his lips together firmly. ââ¬Å"Please can we have a night? Just you and I. I really need this right now.â⬠I pick up on his strange vibe and the sorrow in his eyes. ââ¬Å"Okay, what's wrong? You've seemed a little out of it. Was it bad news on that text you got?â⬠He traces the figure eight tattoo on his forearm. ââ¬Å"Do you remember when I got this?â⬠I absentmindedly touch my lower back. ââ¬Å"How could I forget, since I have the same one on my back?â⬠ââ¬Å"Do you remember why we got them?â⬠ââ¬Å"I can't remember anything about that night.â⬠ââ¬Å"Exactly, yet you'll remember it forever. No matter what happens, which is completely ironic.â⬠He lets his finger linger on the tattoo that represents eternity. ââ¬Å"There's something bugging you.â⬠I tug the bottom of my shirt down to cover up my tattoo. ââ¬Å"Do you want to talk about it?â⬠He shakes his head, still focused on the tattoo. ââ¬Å"Nah, I'm good.â⬠To distract him from his thoughts, I point my finger at a smokin' hot 1970 Pontiac GTO, blue with white racing stripes. ââ¬Å"What about Benny? Does he still have the 455?â⬠Micha's eyes are pools of black liquid. ââ¬Å"You think we should take on the big dog?â⬠ââ¬Å"I think you should take on the big dog,â⬠I clarify. ââ¬Å"I'll just watch you kick his ass.â⬠His expression darkens. ââ¬Å"No way. I'm not racing unless you're in the car with me. It's tradition.â⬠A starvation inside me emerges. ââ¬Å"Alright, I'll ride with you, just as long as you do one thing for me?â⬠ââ¬Å"Say it and it's yours,â⬠he says without blinking. My hunger urges me closer to him. I prop my elbows on the console, and my arms are trembling. He doesn't move, frozen like a statue as I put my lips next to his ear. ââ¬Å"Make sure you win,â⬠I breathe and my body arches into him on its own accord, before I sit back in the seat. His face is indecipherable, his breathing fierce, his gaze relentless. ââ¬Å"Okay, then. Let's go win us a race.â⬠We climb out of the car and hike across the dirt road toward the row of cars and their owners. I shield my eyes from the headlights and wrap an arm around myself, knowing these guys are going to give me crap for how I'm dressed. Micha swings his arm around me protectively. ââ¬Å"Relax. I got you baby.â⬠ââ¬Å"Well, what do we have here?â⬠Mikey, the owner of the Camaro, strides up to us. He's got black hair, a kink in his nose, and his thick neck is enclosed with a barb-wire tattoo. ââ¬Å"Is the infamous duo back again to get their asses kicked?â⬠I roll my eyes. ââ¬Å"You beat us once and that was by default due to a flat tire.â⬠His face pinches as he takes in my shirt, tank top, and curled hair. ââ¬Å"What the fuck happened to you?â⬠Chandra, his girlfriend, sputters a laugh. Her dress is so tight that her curves bulge out of it and her stilettoes make her almost the same height as me. ââ¬Å"Holy shit, she like turned into a little princess or something.â⬠Micha squeezes my shoulder, trying to keep me calm. ââ¬Å"So who's up first? Or has no one decided yet.â⬠Mikey eyes Micha's Chevelle and there's a nervous look in his eyes. ââ¬Å"You think you can just walk in here and play the game after sitting out for nearly a year?â⬠I mouth to Micha, a year? Micha shrugs. ââ¬Å"What? You were gone. Why the hell would I want to race?â⬠ââ¬Å"Again, you need to move on withoutâ⬠¦Ã¢â¬ I trail off. Mikey will use what I say against Micha, so I have to watch my mouth. ââ¬Å"We want to race Benny.â⬠Mikey's laughter echoes the night. ââ¬Å"You and what army?â⬠I point at Micha's Chevelle parked near the road. ââ¬Å"That army right there.â⬠Mikey shakes his head and shoos us away. ââ¬Å"That thing don't stand a chance against the GTO. Now run along and come back when you got something bigger.â⬠He's testing my control. A lot. ââ¬Å"As opposed to yours?â⬠I retort, getting into Mikey's face. ââ¬Å"Because that thing's all looks and no go.â⬠Micha directs me back by the shoulders and a trace of amusement laces his voice. ââ¬Å"Easy there, tiger. Let's try not to get our asses kicked tonight, okay?â⬠Benny hops off the hood of his car, flicks his cigarette to the ground, and leaves his buddies to join us. ââ¬Å"What's up? Did I hear someone wanted to race me?â⬠Benny's the kind of guy that everyone respects because they're afraid of him. When he was a freshman he got into a fight at school with a senior twice his size and beat him up pretty badly. No one knows what the fight was over or what happened, but it was enough that everyone became cautious of Benny. Mikey points a finger sharply at me. ââ¬Å"Princess right here wants to challenge you to a race in that thing.â⬠Benny's eyes wander to the Chevelle as he cocks his shaven head and crosses his muscular arms. ââ¬Å"Micha, isn't that your car?â⬠Micha pats my back and winks at me. ââ¬Å"Yeah, apparently she's my spokesperson.â⬠Benny deliberates this and then turns to Mikey, who's glaring at me. ââ¬Å"I don't see what the big deal is. I have no problem with Micha racing. In fact, it might be kinda nice to have a challenge for a change.â⬠Benny slaps Mikey on the back kind of hard and then pounds fists with Micha. ââ¬Å"Thanks man,â⬠Micha says with a respective nod. ââ¬Å"Are you and I going to line up first then?â⬠Benny bobs his head up and down, nodding as he stares at the road pensively. ââ¬Å"Yeah man, I think that'd work.â⬠They chat a little bit more about the rules and what not, while Mikey continues to scowl at me like an angry dog. Once they're done talking, Micha and I walk back to the car, while everyone else scatters toward the starting line located right in front of The Hitch. ââ¬Å"So what's your plan?â⬠I ask. ââ¬Å"Because beating him won't be easy.â⬠ââ¬Å"You're my plan.â⬠He opens the passenger door for me. ââ¬Å"With you in the car, there's no way I won't win, otherwise you'll never let me live it down.â⬠Tucking my head into the car, I drop into the seat and then look up at him. ââ¬Å"I won't make your car go any faster.â⬠He grins, slamming the door. ââ¬Å"Sure you will.â⬠He slides across the front of the hood and climbs into the driver's seat. ââ¬Å"You're such a show off,â⬠I remark. He starts up the engine and it thunders to life. ââ¬Å"That's like the pot calling the kettle black.â⬠I slump back in the seat and fold my arms. ââ¬Å"I may have been a lot of things, but I was never a show off.â⬠He hooks a finger under my chin and angles my head toward him. ââ¬Å"Taylor Crepner's graduation party two years ago. You were standing on the roof with a snowboard strapped to your feet, telling everyone you could make the jump. I think that's pretty close to showing off.â⬠I make an innocent face. ââ¬Å"But I did make the jump, didn't I?â⬠ââ¬Å"Yeah, but not without breaking your arm,â⬠he says. ââ¬Å"And that's beside the point.â⬠ââ¬Å"You're right,â⬠I admit, touching the small scar on my arm where the bone broke through the skin. ââ¬Å"I was showing off and you had to drive my dumb ass to the hospital, then sit in the waiting room while I had surgery to put my arm back together.â⬠His finger traces a line down my neck and to my chest bone. ââ¬Å"I was there because I wanted to be.â⬠ââ¬Å"You missed a performance because of me.â⬠ââ¬Å"I don't care ââ¬â never have.â⬠My gaze involuntarily flicks to his lips. Suddenly, I want to kiss him, like I did that night on the bridge. It makes me uncomfortable because the feeling owns me. I lean away, putting space between us. Sensing my transfer of attitude, he revs up the engine and spins the tires, fishtailing the car to the startup line. He shoots me a smug look, cocking an eyebrow. ââ¬Å"Now that's showing off.â⬠Shaking my head, I restrain a grin. Benny lines up the front of his GTO with Micha's Chevelle and his girlfriend struts up between the two cars. She's wearing jeans and a short t-shirt that shows her stomach. She flips her dark hair off her shoulder and then raises her hands above her head. People line up along the road, watching, and placing bets on the winner. I spot Ethan and Lila toward the front, chatting about something, and Lila is doing her flirty hair flip thing. ââ¬Å"When did they get here?â⬠Micha ignores me, eyeing Benny through his rolled down window. ââ¬Å"To the baseline and back?â⬠Benny's arm is resting casually on top of the steering wheel. ââ¬Å"Yeah, man. First one back wins.â⬠They look away from each other. Benny waves at his girlfriend and she nods her head. ââ¬Å"On your mark. Get set. Go!â⬠Her hands shoot down and screeches cut the air. A trail of dust engulfs us as we race off. The trees on the side of the road are a blur, and the sky is one big streak of stars. I keep silent as Micha shifts the car over and over again, but something inside me awakens from a very deep sleep. Benny pulls ahead and makes a sharp swerve right in front of us. His red tail lights are blinding in the night and his exhaust is puffing out thin clouds of smoke. Micha speeds up, inching the front end toward the rear of the GTO. As we approach the end, Benny pulls farther ahead, but it's not over yet. Micha has a thing for flipping the car around, without decreasing the acceleration. It's scary as hell, but it works every time. Besides with the longer body of Benny's GTO it doesn't have quite the turning power. We reach the end and I should probably be nervous. The road cuts off into a steep, rocky hill and the space to turn around is narrow, but I've never gotten scared, not even now. I guess I can't change what's in my blood. The GTO begins to slant sideways as Benny turns it. Micha veers to the side to get around him and shoots for the open gap between the car and the trees. I grab the handle above my head, the brakes squeal, and I brace my feet up on the dashboard. It's like being on a merry-go-round on crack. Everything spins ââ¬â the trees, the sky, Micha. For a second, I shut my eyes and it feels like I'm flying. It takes me back to the night on the bridge. She said she could fly. The car straightens out and Micha floors the gas pedal. Like I predicted, Benny is having a harder time lining back up. By the time we're speeding up the road again, he's a small distance behind us. Micha punches the gas and shifts the car into a higher gear. The long front end of the GTO materializes through my window and Micha floors it, shooting me a look that lets me know I can tell him to slow down if I want. I don't. People flee to the side, panicking at our dangerous speed as we rip through the finish line. It isn't clear who the winner is or who's going to be able to get their car to stop in time, before crushing into The Hitch. Brakes shriek and dust swamps the windows. My body is thrown forward with the car's abrupt halt and I smack my head on the dashboard. Micha works to regain control of the wheel and straightens the car as it skids to a stop. Everything settles and the dust slowly clears. Micha and I stare out the windshield, breathing loudly, our eyes as wide as golf balls. The front bumper of the Chevelle is a sliver away from a very large tree. ââ¬Å"Holy shit,â⬠Micha whispers and looks at me, his eyes bulging. ââ¬Å"Are you okay?â⬠I lower my hand from the dashboard, my chest heaving with my breaths. Rubbing the bump on my head, I turn in my seat toward Micha. There is an eerie calm inside me and one of my worst fears becomes a reality. I'm an adrenaline junkie. Plain and simple, but I think it's how I've been all along. I just never admitted. I'm no longer in control. As I incline toward Micha, my heart flutters to life in my chest. My eyes shut and my lips brush his, gently tasting him. It feeds my hunger vaguely and I edge back, letting my eyes open. Micha is looking at me, his eyes pools of blue like the deep spots of the ocean hidden from the world. His hand comes up behind my head and he entices my lips back to his. Something snaps inside me, like a rubber band. With one swift movement, and the aid of my own willingness, Micha lifts me over the console and I straddle his lap, looping my arms around his neck. His hands burrow into my thighs and slip under my skirt onto my bare skin. My breath falters at the intimacy of his touch. No one has ever touched me like this before, without me running away. Usually, being this close to someone sends me into a room packed with self-doubt, panic, distrust, and unfamiliarity. My legs tense and Micha leans back. ââ¬Å"Stay here, baby,â⬠he whispers, like he can read my thoughts. ââ¬Å"Trust me, okay? Don't run.â⬠He waits for me to nod and then crashes his lips into mine, keeping his hands under my skirt. I arch my body into him, pressing my chest against his, and my nipples tingle. His tongue sensually plays with mine, tracing every spot on my mouth and my lips. My body starts to fill with a secret longing. Micha moves his mouth away from mine and my legs tremble in objection. He sucks a path of kisses down my jawline, moving to my neck and residing on my chest right above where my breast curves out of the top of my shirt. It sends a shock through my body and my legs uncontrollably tighten around him, my knees pressing into his sides. He lets out a slow, deep groan and his hand slides higher into my skirt as he guides me closer. I can feel him pressing in between my legs and it scares the shit out of me, but not enough to make me stop. It's like all the sexual tension I ran away from has sprung free all at once. My fingers sneak under the bottom of his shirt and trace along the outline of his lean muscles. I don't know where to stop or how to put the line back up. My mind is racing and I clutch onto his shoulders needing my control back. Someone bangs on the window. ââ¬Å"Are you two having fun in there?â⬠I jump back and my cheeks start to heat at the sight of Ethan and Lila staring at us through the window. In his black tee and jeans, Ethan blends in with the night, but his dark, insinuating smile glows. Lila's eyes are magnified and her jaw is hanging open. Micha does nothing to help the situation. A lazy grin spreads across his face as he watches me through hooded eyes, looking very pleased with himself. The adrenaline washes out of me and leaves a numb feeling in its place. I climb off his lap and straighten my skirt and hair before getting out of the car. I calmly walk around the back of the car and join Ethan and Lila. ââ¬Å"So who won the race?â⬠I ask, smoothing the last of the wrinkles out of my skirt. Ethan smirks at me. ââ¬Å"Is that what you're really thinking about at the moment?â⬠I stare at him blankly. ââ¬Å"What else would I be thinking about?â⬠Micha climbs out of the car, stretching his long legs. ââ¬Å"We won, I'm pretty sure,â⬠he says, taking my hand like it's the most natural thing in the world. ââ¬Å"Although, I'm betting there's an argument going on about it.â⬠Ethan nods agreeably and takes a sip of his soda. ââ¬Å"Yep, everyone who bet on you is insisting you've won and vice-versa with Benny.â⬠Micha interlaces our fingers. ââ¬Å"So the same old, same old.â⬠ââ¬Å"You know how these things go.â⬠Ethan pats Micha's shoulder sympathetically. ââ¬Å"They're never going to come to a decision.â⬠My hand is sweating in Micha's. He just cracked me open and my mind is racing with a billion thoughts. I can't do this with him. I can't crush him. I need to repaint the lines somehow. ââ¬Å"We should just leave,â⬠Micha says to me. ââ¬Å"Let's not even give them the benefit of our argument.â⬠ââ¬Å"You want to drive out of here all suave?â⬠I ask. ââ¬Å"And make a grand exit?â⬠Micha smiles and squeezes my hand. ââ¬Å"A grand statement.â⬠ââ¬Å"Which would be?â⬠ââ¬Å"That we don't give a shit.â⬠I let out a shaky breath and nod. ââ¬Å"That sounds good to me.â⬠ââ¬Å"You want to meet up at the house?â⬠he asks Ethan. ââ¬Å"I'm sure we're going to have to do some tuning up on The Beast after what I just did.â⬠Lila scrunches her nose and pops her gum. ââ¬Å"The beast? Do I even want to know what that is?â⬠Micha taps the car door with his free hand. ââ¬Å"Yep, that's what I named it. Kind of like how you call your car your baby.â⬠Lila laughs. ââ¬Å"Oh, I get it. Although, I like my name better.â⬠Micha traces his thumb along the palm of my hand. ââ¬Å"Are you ready to go? Or do you want to go pick a fight with someone first.â⬠I flash a panicked glance at Lila, who knits her eyebrows. ââ¬Å"Maybe Lila and I should ride together. I haven't spent any time with her today.â⬠ââ¬Å"You've spent time with me every day for the last eight months,â⬠she replies. ââ¬Å"I think we're good for a few hours.â⬠ââ¬Å"I'll take care of her.â⬠Ethan chucks the empty bottle of soda across the parking lot and it lands in the back of his truck. ââ¬Å"Really, really good care of her.â⬠Lila lets her blonde hair fall into her face to hide her blush. I've never seen her blush like that. What exactly have the two of them been up to tonight? Micha shakes his head at Ethan. ââ¬Å"Be good.â⬠Ethan rolls his eyes and then walks off with Lila toward his truck. Micha and I get into his car and I prepare myself to make a speech. Micha squeezes his eyes shut and holds his hand up. ââ¬Å"Don't even say it. Just let it go for the night. Please. I need to just feel this.â⬠The pain in his voice causes me to fasten my jaw shut. Opening his eyes, he starts up the car and we drive down the road. Micha waves to Benny as we pass and everyone's eyes follow us. Then the darkness takes over as we pull out onto the main road and the headlights light up the night like a tunnel that leads to the unknown.
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